I always imagined walking down the aisle wearing my mother’s wedding dress. It was a symbol of her love and strength, the only thing I had left of her after
I always imagined walking down the aisle wearing my mother’s wedding dress. It was a symbol of her love and strength, the only thing I had left of her after she passed when I was eleven.
My mother, Claire, was everything gentle and brave in this world. She was the one who sang to me through the thunder, who sewed little daisies onto the hem of my childhood dresses because she said I reminded her of sunlight. When she d.i.e.d of cancer, my world dimmed, and the only piece that kept me tethered to her was that gown, folded neatly in a box, smelling faintly of lavender sachets she used to keep in her closet.
For years, I guarded that box like a relic. I took it with me when I moved out for college and back home again when I couldn’t afford rent. My father remarried three years after Mom d.i.e.d.
I tried to be open-minded; he deserved happiness, after all, but from the very first day, I knew that Sharon wasn’t here to build a family; she was here to reshape one. Sharon was beautiful in a sharp, manicured way. Her laughter came easily, but her warmth felt conditional, something she offered only when it benefited her.
She didn’t like being reminded that she wasn’t my “real mother,” though she said it often enough herself, usually with a sigh or an eye roll. When I got engaged to Daniel, my high school sweetheart, the first thing I told my father, before we’d even set a date, was that I wanted to wear Mom’s wedding dress. His eyes softened, misting over for the briefest moment.
“She’d be so proud of you, sweetheart,” he said. Sharon had been standing behind him, pretending to tidy up the counter. Her lips pressed into a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.
“You know, fashion has changed quite a bit since then,” she said. “I’m sure your mother’s dress is… nostalgic, but wouldn’t you rather wear something new? Something that’s truly you?”
I smiled politely, the way I always did when she said something that sounded kind but wasn’t.
“It is me,” I replied. “She was my mother.”
After that, Sharon made little comments whenever the topic came up about how “yellowed lace doesn’t photograph well” or how “traditions sometimes need updating.” I ignored her. My father told me to let it go, that Sharon was just trying to feel included.
But deep down, I knew. I could feel it in her tone that mix of disdain and jealousy she carried whenever my mother’s name was mentioned. As my wedding day approached, the tension grew.
We were hosting the ceremony in our backyard, the same house I grew up in. I’d moved out long ago, but the big oak tree under which my mother used to sit reading had always been where I wanted to say my vows. It felt right.
It felt like she’d still be there. The night before the wedding, I couldn’t sleep. The dress was hanging in my childhood room, freshly cleaned and fitted.
I ran my fingers over the delicate lace sleeves, imagining my mother doing the same thirty years earlier. I whispered a small thank-you to her and went to bed smiling. When morning came, everything was chaos in the best kind of way: laughter, hairspray, curling irons, and music.
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