Is that it? Because I was upset about an air fryer?”
I was angry that she didn’t even understand what she did wrong. “It wasn’t about the air fryer, Eloise.
It was how you spoke to us, the disrespect. That’s not something we expected or can support,” I explained.
Eloise implored us, nearly in tears, “But that’s so unfair! I was stressed, Grandma.
Planning a wedding is hard, and I just snapped. I didn’t mean any of it.” I felt like she should have only apologized to us instead of finding excuses to justify her behavior.
However, I told her, “We understand that it’s a stressful time, but actions and words have consequences. We hoped you’d understand the value of family and love over material things.” Full of desperation, Eloise added, “But you don’t understand!
Can’t we just forget all this happened? I need that money, Grandma.”
She pleaded, threatened to boycott Christmas, and accused us of cutting her off but we didn’t budge. In the end, I expressed, “We love you very much.
This has nothing to do with cutting you off. We just hope you’ll reflect on this and understand why we made our decision.”
Now, Eloise has followed up on her threat and she’s boycotting Christmas. Her mother, who is our daughter-in-law, is siding with her, calling us unreasonable.
However, we feel that after all we have done for Eloise, the air fryer gift, shouldn’t have triggered this reaction.
For context, we had already paid for her college, and her parents covered her graduate school and half the wedding. Additionally, she and her husband are financially comfortable and do not desperately need our money.
We’re also not upset with our grandkids for revealing the cash gift since she is among the group of family members who are allowed to know about it. Our reason for sending the air fryer earlier was that we live far away, so we always send our gifts early.
The wedding gift is also separate from the money, which we give with the hope it will be used for something significant, like a home.
Now, we feel like the action we took towards Eloise was well deserved and we are not going back on our decisions even if she and her mom threaten to do their worst.
Despite the tumultuous events and Eloise’s refusal to understand our perspective, my husband and I stand by our decision. Love and respect in our family are paramount, and we hoped this situation would be a learning experience for her.
The holidays might be quieter this year with her family’s absence, but our hope is for healing and understanding in the future. Our door and hearts remain open to Eloise, whenever she’s ready to mend fences.
Want more like this?
Click here to read about a grandmother who sparked controversy online because she doesn’t bring her grandchildren gifts when she visits.
A grandmother who uses TikTok to give tips about being a grandparent posted a controversial video that sparked an online debate between grandparents and parents. She started one of her videos by saying she doesn’t give gifts to her grandchildren whenever she visits them.
DeeDee from MoreThanGrand has made it her goal to help new grandparents transition into their new role. She provides content to help grandparents better support and communicate with parents in raising their beloved grandchildren.
However, one particular content she put out didn’t sit well with many people. They felt she was taking things too far and a little too seriously.
She lived in a different area from where her grandchildren lived, and the woman only saw them a couple of times yearly. She decided early on in being a grandmother that she wouldn’t bring something with her each time she visited.
One reason why she wanted to avoid bringing unnecessary gifts was because her grandchildren already had so many things to begin with.
She tried to support the parents who didn’t want any more clutter entering their home.
Another reason was that she was stingy when it came to money. “I’m cheap and I don’t want to waste money on stuff that’s just going to be cast aside,” she admitted.
However, the main reason why she refused to bring gifts for her grandchildren was because she didn’t want them to look forward to her visits because of what she had with her. She wanted them to be excited to see her.
She didn’t want her grandchildren to rush to the door only to ask her what was inside her suitcase for them.
Instead, she wanted them to greet her with loving smiles and warm embraces.
The woman clarified that she didn’t always visit her grandchildren without anything in hand. On some occasions, she’d bring a book she’d been reading to them over video chat and read it together while snuggled up in bed.
Sometimes, she’d take along a board game they could play together. After her visit, she’d take the board game back home with her so they had something to play when it was her grandchildren’s turn to visit her.
Once, she even reminisced about her childhood by bringing the cookies her grandmother once got her as a child.
However, these occasions were rare.
She’d instead bring her undivided attention and her open hugs. For the woman, it’s been the most fulfilling thing. Whenever she’s greeted at the door, her grandchildren run to embrace her and tell her how much they miss her.
She shared her take on loving grandchildren without needing gifts, which sparked an online debate.
While others commended her for her simplicity, others felt she was taking things too far. Some users noted that gift-giving is an actual love language that children greatly appreciate.
“I had a grandma like you describe to be… I thought of her as miserly,” one commenter wrote. They thought it was okay for children to receive at least small tokens of appreciation, especially if they hadn’t seen their grandmother in a long time.
After all, it’s the thought that counts.
Last but not least, people felt the situation wasn’t an either-or scenario where they had to choose one over the other. Users reminded her that it was okay to be both present in her grandchildren’s lives while occasionally showering them with simple gifts.
What do you think about the woman’s take on giving gifts to children? Is it something you agree with?
Share your thoughts in the comments below and let us know what you would do in her situation.
