I have some guilt that’s been eating at me these past few years even though I know it’s not my fault.
I was with my ex boyfriend for 5 years, but it wasn’t a good relationship, we both did drugs together, lived in hotels, you get the picture.
One day we got into a really bad argument and I decided I didn’t want that life anymore, so I packed my things and moved to a different state where
I didn’t know anyone and could start over, my cousin had moved to this state recently and had an extra room and let me stay with her until I was able to get back on my feet.
He didn’t know I was leaving him, I left in the middle of the night when he was sleeping and he woke up to me being gone and I never looked back.
I started my new life, changed my phone number, quit drugs, got a job, made great friends and met the love of my life and had a beautiful daughter, it wasn’t easy, but I did it and
I was really hoping and praying that the same would happen to him, that me being gone would somehow make him better (his family always blamed me for his bad ways) and that he would try to improve his life and make better choices.
Well, that wasn’t the case at all, turns out that when I left he got sucked into an even bigger depression and blamed it on me for leaving him the way I did,
one night he decided to take one too many of the drugs he did and overdosed and unfortunately ended up passing away.
My heart broke when I heard this news, I was really hoping for a different outcome for him.
He was a very good looking guy, and hard worker and I was hoping he would meet someone that would love him and start a family with him and take him out of his old ways.
He was a good guy who unfortunately battled with many demons.
I loved him very very much, it wasn’t easy to leave him, he meant a lot to me, I almost went back to him a few times but I remained strong, the life I wanted was not the life I was living with him.
I hate that he didn’t fight harder, I hate that he gave up!!
I don’t blame myself because everyone is in charge of their own choices but I do feel guilty with how I left and that
I didn’t go back to try to help him once I was better and it eats at me everyday.
